Maps
by KissingChaos
Summary: RyanSeth. How the season finale would have gone were I writing...


Disclaimer: All characters belong to Josh Schwartz and Fox, all lyrics property of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. All the angst and tears, though...those are mine.

A/N: How the finale would have gone if I were writing...

_Pack up  
I'm straight  
I'm not   
I'm say say say...  
  
Wait. They don't love you like I love you.  
  
Made off  
Don't stray  
Well my kinds your kind I'll stay the same  
  
Pack up  
Don't stray  
Oh say say say…_

_Wait. They don't love you like I love you…  
_--"Maps," Yeah Yeah Yeahs

* * *

Ryan stands next to the bed. His voice is gravelly, like he's been holding back tears for days. 

"I gotta jet."

Seth looks over at him. The look in his eyes… _I can't do this. I can't do this_.

"Cool…You really gotta go?"

Ryan nods imperceptibly. "Yeah."

"If you need anything, I'll take the graveyard shift," Seth says, searching for a place for himself in Ryan's new life.

"I think we'll manage."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"You can come down and visit." Ryan says hopefully_. Please, Seth…please don't make this any harder than it is. _When Seth looks away without responding, Ryan's heart is in his throat. He clenches his jaw, refusing to cry.

He reaches into his pocket, blinking away the tears threatening behind his eyes. "Hey, so I, uh, I got you something." He holds the map out like an olive branch. "It's good for ideas." _Don't you remember, Seth? That first day? I didn't want to leave you then, and I'd only known you for a day. I didn't mean for this to happen. Please, Seth…_

Seth looks down at the map of Tahiti in his lap. _Oh, God, he kept it. I can't do this. I can't do this_. He steels his voice.

"Map of Tahiti. Cool, man."

Ryan's heart breaks_. Not a map of Tahiti, Seth. The map of Tahiti. Please, Seth. Please. _Ryan longs for one more hug, one more time to wrap his arms around Seth. But Seth doesn't move from the bed, and Ryan thinks that if he did, he wouldn't be able to leave anyway, so it's probably for the best.

"So, I'll see you then." Ryan won't cry. Not now.

Seth can't look at him, can't risk it. "See ya." He puts his earphones back in, still staring out the window.

Ryan turns and walks towards the door, stopping for a moment, hand outstretched towards the knob, trying to compose himself before he sees Teresa.

Suddenly, Seth's hand is on his wrist, but he can't look up.

"Wait…" Seth begins, but his voice catches on the tears and he can't speak.

Ryan looks up and sees the tears in Seth's eyes. _Fuck_…

"Ryan—" Seth tries again, but Ryan twists their arms around until he's holding Seth's wrist.

"Ask me to stay," he says, his voice hard.

"Ryan, man, I've asked you to stay a hundred times." Seth says, and it's true. In his heart, he's said it a thousand times in the past 24 hours.

"Ask me again."

"Why?" Seth asks, confused.

"Tell me you don't want to be alone."

"Ryan, it's not about being alone," Seth replies, taking a step closer. "It's about being without you."

Ryan tries to catch his breath, his mind reeling. It's all too much, but he can't walk away now. There's too much at risk.

"Ask me to stay." Ryan says again, his voice barely a whisper.

"I can't," Seth is crying now. "Because if I ask again, and you still leave…I can't do that, Ryan. I can't." Seth's eyes are pleading. _Please don't ask me, Ryan. Please_.

Ryan takes a step towards Seth, until there are only inches between their faces. He asks again.

"Ask me to stay." He tightens his grip on Seth's wrist.

Seth tries to pull away, but Ryan's grip is too tight. Seth looks down at Ryan's hand on his arm, then back up at Ryan. Then he's pushing him back against the wall, his entire weight pressing against Ryan, their lips crashing together in a way that Seth's sure will leave a bruise. Seth feels the tears on Ryan's cheek, his tongue sliding between Ryan's lips. Ryan lets go of Seth's wrist and moves his hand to the back of his head and buries it in soft brown curls, and Seth grabs Ryan's hips and presses against him harder.

Seth backs away from the kiss, moving his head to the side of Ryan's, resting his forehead against the wall. His mouth on Ryan's ear, he whispers.

"Stay. Please, just stay."

Ryan wraps his arms around Seth and takes a deep breath, burying his face in Seth's neck.

When the doorbell rings, Seth tightens his hold on Ryan.

Please.


End file.
